Before Hontanas: reflection on temptations.
Walking days are now shorter. I would start at 5:30am, but by 10am I have already finished . It is not a physical task any more, but the last month of reflections.
I thought that it will take me 78 days to walk from LePuy to Santiago. Now I only have 450 km to reach the end of the road. My goal is to reach Santiago on my 50th birthday. Therefore, I have around 33-34 days to get there, an avarage of 15km/day.
There are to many things to think on this journey. The solitude of the morning flashes ideas, thoughts, fears, and adventure in my mind. What to do next?
Leaving Rabé this morning was troubled. No because the roads signs, but the mistrust I sensed in the neighborhood. They don’t trust each other. Walking in the village and talking to them. Every one had a different version of their reality. They don’t talk to each other, therefore they live together in insolation. Even their church was closed to visitors.
As I ascended the first hill, I was covered of fears. Fears that the world would come like them. I just prayed for them as I passed a small chapel at the exit of the village. I also pray that you will not become like them too.
When I reached the plateau, a strong cold wind covered me. It was so strong that I had to use my walking sticks and press then to the ground. It was coming from the northeast. Suddenly, I started thinking about human temptations. Why there? I do not have a clue. It was just the wind and me. Something that I had experienced during the past 35 days is that there is not time for temptations when your mind is focused in a good cause. The daily exercise and prayers on El Camino has created in me a very healthy path physical and mental.
As a priest, we are like sheep among wolves. I remember that Gospel from my ordination’s mass. In 16 years, no bishop has sat down with me more that a minute to know who I am as a human being. My joys, my struggles, my strengths, my limitations. Some times I ask my self is if the Archbishop knows who am I am, or if he has an opinion created by others. Who others? We priests have to battle “alone” in our careers. I say careers, because to say vocation is just half of the reality of who we are. Vocation to be priests in the sacramental ontological reality, and the career to be parish administrator, with no degree in business and management. It was the reason I just finished the masters degree from Catholic U on Ecclesial Administration and Management.
There the temptations make us humans! We battle “alone”! We are humans, we need everything that another human need. The church structure does not know how to deal with this reality. Reading the daily news about the church scandals maybe reflect on these temptations. How to develop healthy priest to serve the twofold vocation- career. First, start listening to the priests. Second, humanize the church. Third, have educated priest in charge to listen and to take immediate action on the clergy reality. This three topics will be a great topic for a philosophical essay. I am sure it is written in some old book, but no one has had time to put in practice.
When we are tempted, there is a reality in place: we have failed before. It is how we know that something must be done. Many people that come to confession, only confess the symptoms, the effects of, the visible reality. But how difficult is the confess the “prime cause” that lead us to sin. I called it: the trigger. What causes you to sin? Solitude, abandonment, social or family pressure, indifference, responsibilities, stress situations, etc, etc. The reality is that it can be anything, even a little drop of rain falling on your hands.
Last night I heard a person said that El Camino is a penitential act. I totally disagree. El Camino is a joyful encounter with God in you! Blisters on your feet, knees’ pain, heat strokes are not penance. There are physical symptom of physical changes that your body is experiencing. What is happening inside you? the attitude, the call to action make you see how powerful is God who created you. That is what El Camino creates and develops.
The worst temptation that we can have is laziness. The addiction to personal pity. I have seen it on the road from day one. It is different to have depression, the addiction to personal insecurities. I make this distinction, because I have seen a lot of that here too, but they walk fast in all directions! Ha! ha!
A young woman asked me the other day: how I know is God who speaks to me? I just responded: if God invites you to act on a decision, and it does not hurt you, and does not hurt others around you, you know it is God. I think it is common sense or better common good.
The same happen when we are tempted. Act always on goodness. Therefore, you will not fail.
The plateau was not large enough to keep thinking about temptations. I ascended to Hornillos. It was a small dusty village lost in time. The coffee shop was opened, and the owner was sitting by the window waiting for the costumer. I was just 9 km from my destination, and passed quietly.
After Hornillos, I started to pass the walkers that stayed at that village last night. There was a large hill to ascend. After that we all walked on a new plateau till Hontanas.
You knew that you arrived to Hontanas because of the church’s steeple cross. Hontanas is in a hole literally, around maintains. The quality of life here is amazing. All the shelters are beautiful. Tomorrow I will not be ascending the mountains. It looks like there is a passage among them for 10 km to the next village.